its even not until 2 weeks

two weeks ago
I was so excited
to know that I was on paid project

yeah, despite my lacking
I don't know why
they was choosing me

and now
I am not part of that team

they give me feedback
they said my communication skill is lack
they said I look like someone 1year never code
when I saw their email and reasoning
thats all is true

but I still like this
crying
trying to smile

how can I improve my speaking?
how to make me more brave?
how to code?
how to comunicate well?
who can teach me?
when it all came from me?